OPEN LETTER : GALLERY ETIQUETTE FOR PARENTS

Dear Parents

Panga Management is writing to you today regarding basic gallery etiquette.
To begin with let’s state the obvious, as PM has come to the sad conclusion that common sense is anything but common……..

Art Galleries are Not play grounds or nurseries. Unless stated otherwise (children’s finger painting workshops etc) they are in fact adult spaces.This is in no way to suggest that children are not welcome in galleries, but to clearly state, that their presence should never interfere with the viewing experience of the adults present.

Question: would you take your two-year old to watch a movie? Answer: NO.

Question: Why ever not? Answer: Because it would wriggle around , scream, want to walk everywhere and eventually, all of 20 seconds into the film, the general public would lynch your little bundle of joy. Remember parents, your little freedom fighter is everyone else’s terrorist.

Now dear parents, before you choke on a wet wipe, PM is going to make something very clear to you.

If you take your child to a movie and it performs, it’s you who should be lynched for being an irresponsible and selfish cunt. The same goes for galleries, if your child can not walk by your side, with its hands behind its back then you should not bring them to a gallery. PUNT ! aka fullstop.

Panga Management has seen children do incredibly destructive things in galleries, while you, darling parents, chat to your friends over a glass of free plonk, all the while expecting the gallery staff to run after your progeny like baby sitters. After the inevitable breakage has occurred, you dear parents, avoid responsibility saying things like “ there really should be a sign that says don’t touch” to which Panga Management replies “ there really should be forced sterilisation for people like you who have such limited intelligence” or , dear parents, you respond along the lines of “ they are going through a growth phase “ to which Panga Management replies” Gee…. who gives a continental fuck, best you take your credit card to the gallery staff and pay for your child’s R50 000.00 growth phase accident” .

PM then follows the above verbal responses with a quick punch to your head, hard enough so you see Christmas coming 12 months before the rest of us. This brings cathartic relief to every gallery staff member, artist, and responsible adult present.

Dear parents, what you must understand is that PM punched you, in order to help you…. intending only to dislodge the baby brain hormones and knock some sense back into you. The saying “it takes a village to raise a child” is absolutely idiotic, what it should say is “it takes a village to raise a parent”.

The other approach PM applies when children run amok in a gallery, is to stop them, and say very loudly “What your parents have negated to tell you, because they are very bad at being parents, is that you don’t run, scream or touch anything while you’re in a gallery. PM is sorry you were born to such irresponsible cunts , who have clearly taught you nothing , but that does not mean you can act like them and expect no consequences, do you understand ?” .

So, dear parents, if the above mentioned community solutions don’t tickle your fancy, best you step up, grow up, and act like responsible adults, and teach your children through positive example.

On a more general note about parenting, for you dear parents, (this might come as a shock so best to grip your pram for emotional support), you should be aware that nobody thinks your sperm/egg mix is particularly special. In fact, if you look around it’s a very common occurrence. Following on from this thought, just like your indigo child is not particular special to the rest of us, having a baby does not make YOU particular special either, and certainly does not earn you a “get out of jail free card”. The Shock! The Horror! but yes, its true, basic rules of acceptable behaviour still apply to you,  dear parents…… …deep breaths, deep breaths, do you require a brown paper bag or are you cop-ing with the truth being S.P.E.L.T out for you?

Good, so let PM finish up with some visual aids to reinforce your understanding.
If your child can’t walk by your side, hands behind back, like image below. They should not be brought to a gallery.

If you proceed to bring your toddler/child/baby to a gallery and then negate your parental responsibilities to supervise them, you should leave the gallery like the image below, with your hands behind your back –handcuffed.

PM does hope this letter will assist you with your parenting skills.

Kind regards
Panga Management

P.S Children might be your little artworks, but not all artworks belong in galleries.

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