Dear Aunty Panga
I hope you can advise me, my heart is in knots and I don’t know what to do. You see my new lover, is perfect besides one small thing, if you know what I mean (no that’s not what I meant). He has some very strong reactions to my contemporary art collection.
I’m one of those collectors, who really just follows my heart- head when choosing a work, and I have over the years collected a few rather special and critically acclaimed pieces, and yes, I can see that they define my sensibility and way of looking at the world. Which makes this situation even more personal.
Back to my lover, let’s call him Larry, it’s not so much that we have different tastes in art, it’s that Larry tends to be inspired, shall we say amorously, when viewing a certain work in my collection.
Don’t get me wrong, he is not compelled by my Bridget Baker; you know the one where you have a beautiful view of a young woman, in retro gear bending over, pulling bubble gum of her roller skate. That I would be comfortable with. It’s a little more complicated. You see he loves my Nicholas Hlobo work “Dream Catcher”; so much in fact, that he argues it would hang conceptually very well above the bed.
Again don’t get me wrong, I can see how rubber and ribbons could be titillating for a man, and the Dream Catcher work is one of my favourite works of all time, but it’s the big rubber cock / ribbon bottom hole / homoerotic angle of the work that perhaps should not excite him as much as it does….. If he was straight…….
Aunty Panga, please help, should I mention my concerns to him?
Happy To Just Be A Fag Hag, but don’t want to hurt male ego if wrong, am I over reacting?
Dearest Happy To Be A Fag Hag
Aunty PM is here to help!
Aunty Panga must compliment you on your fantastic taste in art. That being said, your taste in lovers is not so well-considered. Aunty PM is going to be frank, and unpack this for you like a picnic basket. One plastic container and synthetic drink at a time.
You clearly align yourself with the subject in the Bridget Baker work, and the fact that Larry is not aroused by that subject, means that he is not aroused by you, problem.
If Larry just loved the Nicholas Hlobo work for its conceptual and textual genius, he would be more than happy for it to hang in the lounge.
So yes, it’s good your happy to be a fag hag, because my sweet that is what you are. Moving forward.
This is not a situation that will benefit from an emotional response. Your Artdar is clearly better than your Gaydar. Best you sit Larry down, with a good glass of wine, and ask him directly if he is into boys. Don’t be hardcore, judgy or disappointed sounding in your line of questioning. If he is not loud and proud just yet, he might feel sensitive about it and won’t want to disappoint you. If he feels safe ,the air will clear pretty fast, enjoy the rest of the bottle of wine and watch Casa Blanca together, you will both love it.
You said he was “perfect besides one small thing”. Aunty PM wants you to rephrase that. Your affirmation should be “He is perfect, but not for me”
Love Aunty Panga
Email Aunty Panga on firstname.lastname@example.org with all your art and love queries.